While it’s common for couples to begin doing everything together, one of the most important elements of succeeding at your relationship is to continue letting your individual identity shine. Your personal identity is what keeps your relationship healthy and balanced.
Losing yourself can lead to feeling stuck in your relationship and having unfulfilled desires. What can you do regain your own identity if you feel it’s already slipping away?
1. Have A Regular Date Night With Your Friends.
Check out YourTango for relationship advice
Sure, your friends are my friends — kumbaya and all that jazz — but having a healthy relationship at home means having healthy relationships outside of the home with friends and family. Don’t be one of those people who get into a relationship and are never seen again socially without their significant other.
2. Pursue Your Passion Project.
Remember that side project you were super passionate about when you met your significant other? It’s probably part of the reason they fell in love with you. So don’t lose that side of yourself.
3. Take A Weekend Away Without Your Significant Other.
Research shows that time away from your significant other may help you feel more independent and personally fulfilled. Plus, if you’re cohabiting or married, this time away can lead to actually missing one another — in turn, making you closer once you return.
4. Learn Something New About Yourself.
Self-development is a key factor in maintaining your independence. Take a seminar, get some coaching, learn how to meditate and discover something new about yourself. Learning how to recreate yourself within your relationship is invaluable.
5. Get A Hobby
Let your passions and discovery collide in a hobby you can call your own. Love to paint? Want to learn how to write that novel? Do you love saving puppies? No matter what you’re into, there’s a class, meet-up or an organization that can help you maintain that hobby and have you doing things you love and enjoy.
28 Ways to Move On From a Past Relationship
People who lose themselv
Developing feelings for a friend can be awkward and confusing, especially if the two of you are best friends. Friendships that last don’t come easy, and making that move out of the friend-zone can have its complications, so it’s important to weigh the pros and cons before taking the leap. Here are some things to consider when thinking about going from BFF to SO.
1. If it ends, you may lose a valuable friendship
This is one of the obvious risks of dating a good friend. If all goes well, the two of you can continue the friendship while also pursuing a romantic relationship together. However, if the relationship goes south, you may be down a partner and friend — double whammy. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide if it is worth the risk. As Ashley Drayton from Georgia State University put it, “Losing a friend if the relationship doesn’t work is my personal fear, however, if the connection is mutual and you both feel like taking that step…the relationship could be amazing and could even turn into marriage.”
2. He or she knows everything about you
If the person you are developing feelings for is a close friend, they most likely know everything about you. While this can be a total pro, it can easily become a con as feelings grow stronger. If he or she knows about all of your past relationships, it can become a topic of jealousy. Relationships should not be about the past, but when dating a close friend, the past can often cause complications moving forward. If you do decide to take the leap, make sure you are focused on a new future together, not the past. Chelsea Hudlow, a University of Central Florida student, says, “By knowing each other well we’re able to support each other better and anticipate each other’s needs, but knowing everything can reduce privacy.”
Related: What Really Happens When You Hook Up With a Friend
3. It can become weird for your mutual friends
It’s always kind of weird when two people within a friend group start dating. In a way, it can definitely throw off the dynamic. However, if you’re convinced that one of your friends is the right person for you, it can sometimes be worth the risk. Even though it may be weird for them at first, they will quickly get used to it, and it may even encourage others to take the leap from BFF to SO as well.
4. It won’t be the same as before, and never will be again
Before deciding to date a friend, you have to accept the fact that the friendship will not be the same as it was and probably never will be again. When you involve yourself romantically with someone, a different type of friendship will evolve. It’s up to you to decide which you would prefer.
5. You’ll have to replace that friend with someone else you can vent to
You can’t vent to your SO about them, so you’ll have to find a new best friend. And as we all know, making best friends in college can be difficult; it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and introduce yourself to new people. However, it’s extremely important to have someone to go to when you’re in need of advice.
When contemplating whether or not to act on feelings for a friend, you must keep all the risks in mind. Although there are surely a lot of pros to dating a friend, there are also many cons. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if that particular friend is worth losing, because you can never predict how relationships will be. That being said, many successful relationships do blossom from friendships.
Twitter Facebook Pinterest
Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook is ruining dating;
Cellphones can be a lifesaver and an enemy to a relationship. You just want to eat your food and he/she wants to make it public. We need photos of the food, us eating the food, the finished plate, and the dirty napkin. WHY? It is so invasive to someone who really wants to get to know you outside of the persona shown on their social media page. When did life become all about what we’re doing in a Snap vs what we are doing in full day? What happened to quality time? I will tell you what happened…Social Media. The idea that everyone is famous. The platform of Social Media has everyone believing every move needs to be advertised as if you are under a contract with the product you are advertising. Nothing is left to the imagination.
If you want to go on a date with someone start by choosing someone whose life does not revolve around a Social Media page. Most of the time a potential date is scouted out by his/her Social Media profile and postings. So you already have an idea of who he/she is before even showing up to the date. Now you have placed these expectations of his/her personality. What you see isn’t necessarily what you get! Be selective in the quality of the person you’re selecting.
They never wants to post about him/her and me, just what we do;
So this sounds like your date need ratings so he/she’s trying new experiences in new places for new photos! Beware of the need of NEW things. You might only be a prop! Decline taking photos even if it is only your silhouette. Watch him/her and see if the photo is more important than the conversation. If so, you have a problem. Politely excuse yourself even if it is rude, there is nothing ruder than being on a date with a cellphone.
He/she is always on her phone;
Why would you be okay with someone who pays you no attention because he/she’s preoccupied with the newest post? Especially when you barely know them at this point. If this is his/her behavior when you first meet then OMG run! The beginning stages of dating is when you’re all smitten over one another and all in lust. If he/she is lusting over the phone more than you I can only imagine what will happen once you both get comfortable. When it is no longer new, when you have to find things to talk about, and when you have to eat with one another. You will be eating with a cellphone. Have standards and enough discipline to notice the problems that will arise not just the moment you’re in. If you dating to find a long-term mate you better pay attention in the beginning.
He only wants to talk through DM;
Stop responding in the DM! Either call me or don’t but I will not accept this creeping into my DM as if I am a secret. Believe it or not you probably are! Both you and a few or a lot more people. You see the DM is the perfect place to hide from the world but be so involved. I can copy, paste the same message a dozen times to a dozen others making them feel like I am really interested. LIES, the DM is where games begin. If you’re not serious and do not want to be serious then go for it in the DM but if you’re looking for quality require more. I want a phone number and I want you to answer your phone not text me back! Answer your phone. If that is too much to ask then my time is too much to ask for. Don’t send me all of this admiration through your fingers I want to hear our voice.
“Never beg for what you deserve the right person will give you what you deserve and more”
Dating is so impersonal now
The idea of dating in this new age is scary. It seems as if everything personal has flown out the window. Phone calls have turn into text messages that you must pretend you know the tone he/she used while sending it. Was he/she angry when they sent it, were they in a rush, were they just thinking of me or did they have nothing better to do at the time. You call him/her and she text back! WTH
Even going out on a date has speedy expectations “when are we going to have sex”!
Not only do you have to worry about him/her being honest you have to worry about who he/she representing himself/herself as. Everyone has a profile online. How many of your friends are really your ex, how many DM’s are you flirting with and how many girls on here think your their man? I mean truly with technology right at your fingertips, he/she can cheat sitting right next to you!
How the hell do you date in this day and age?
Just because times have changed it do not mean you have to settle for less. You can still require old school values in 2018.
Set your expectations early and have boundaries. If the only thing he wants to do is text, he’s probably not the one for you. I don’t care what anyone says, you can make time for the things you want to make time for. All of this i’m busy mess, well if your that busy then you are not ready for a relationship. If you do not want a phone pal require real time. If you see his messages more than you hear his voice PROBLEM, why can’t you call me? Asking this question is pointless, their will always be a reason. Let it go!
I don’t want to only have a conversation with you, I want to hang out. Not on the couch but outside of the house. You cannot make a real impression on someone by speaking. I need your actions to match what I hear. Watch more, listen less. If what they have told you about themselves does not match the person your hanging out with well…Houston you have a problem! Everyone can speak about their greatness but how many can be that great when it is time to show and prove? Not many!
Find out if he/she really getting to know you.
You see we text all the time and he knows me. Does he really? When you see him face to face play a little game of do you remember. Ask questions about things you have shared with him and see if you really remembers. What do I like to do? What do I like to eat? As a matter or fact make sure that date is set up at a place he knows you would like to go. If you like Italian food, then guess what..we should be eating Italian! Don’t take me to a damn burger joint when it is your turn to plan the date! I want you to take me somewhere I would like to go based on your knowledge of me. And don’t ask me directly where I would like to go, that’s cheating! Make him/her work for it, it will allow you to get to know each other beyond the social media. I don’t care if he has to go on your social media page to find out what you like “we all post about what we like and places we’ve been”.
Make sure your friends meet him/her.
It is easy to hide behind the keyboard, typing away. Pretending to be single and interested. Well if your interested in my you will meet my friends! Not because I want their opinion but I want to know if any of them recognize you. Are you a frequent flyer? Meaning do you know many women/men? If your serious about getting to know me and giving me the notion that we can become more prove it! You see I might not be the hang out girl, but some of my friends hang out often. Have they seen you in the club frequently? Are you that guy? Have they see you out with someone else, oh yeah I want to know. There is nothing like having friends because they love to gossip, and you hate to love them. The moment when they say “Girl, we need to talk”, it’s all bad..this conversations starter isn’t just for committed relationships. lol
“Be more afraid of the person you give time to, rather than the person you required time from”