Friendships Season 1- “Selfish”

Selfish

Growing up I have always had more male friends than female; however, that has both been a blessing and a curse. There is many reasons as to why I have come to that conclusion of it being a blessing and a curse. But, first I must give you a bit of a backstory. My husband, who is has now passed away and I had known each other eleven years so generally we hung around the same group of people. It’s how we met in the first place. Most of these friends including my husband played on the football team so everyone was pretty close, and as for me I did go to every single one of their games to support my friends. Always playing video games and playing football in the streets was our thing. You can say we were definitely a tight knit group throughout our grade school days. After high school though we did separate some. What used to be everyday interactions became once a months to once every so often. We were growing up, living our lives it was understandable. We always participated in each other’s big life events though as in weddings, baby showers, house warming’s, and birthdays. But, as far as other communication outside of that it was far and in between. After my husbands recent passing it did occur to us all how important it is for us to be closer to each other and stay in each other’s lives as much as possible. But, man did I not realize how close that meant for some of them.

It started out with everyone of course not wanting me to be alone, and I was looking for any company not to be alone at this time in my life. So, I was always with one of them. It was the craziest thing though how each of them would slowly one by one start confessing their love for me, and how they would always take care of me. It’s like they all were robots repeating the same lines. Every single one of them told me how they feel it’s their “duty” to take care of me, as a friend of my husbands they felt that it was the thing they had to do. Of course I reassured them that I’ll be okay and the best they could do is just support everyone during this rough time in all of our lives. But, it didn’t stop there it was like my phone was flooded with phone calls and texts regarding the same things of their love for me, and how they’ve always loved me. Even as far as to them showing up at my doorstep in the middle of the night begging me to come out. It was crazy here I am a young woman who just lost her best friend and all of these guys are bombarding me with what I feel as selfish feelings of theirs. Even the two that are in relationships told me how they’d leave them to take care of me. That’s something I never wanted to happened. It put a strain on our relationships, some of which could not be salvaged.

So, with all that being said the blessing in all of this was seeing how much I was loved and supported by each of them, and for that I am truly thankful. But, the curse was going through that whole ordeal and feeling the pressure, along with the awkwardness with some of my friends that their feelings and gestures did cause. Overall though I am still very thankful for the friendships I still do have, and I can’t thank them enough for their support through all of this.