Friendships Season 1-“Friends become enemies”
I have never been the type of person who hung around with a large group of women, although it seemed like I had a gravitational pull on people. Growing up my mother was the same way, she had sisters and one main friend for as long as I could remember. So, I never relied on friendships to sustain me; Some women thrive off of having friends to hang out with, me I sometimes dread it. I hate other peoples’ expectation of me! Not only are there expectations but there’s jealousy amongst each other, a tug of war for attention, animosity, back stabbing, and just too much damn drama. Truth be told your circle is your most dangerous place to dwell. I learned that by living.
What do you do when you are single, living on your own, driving your own car, and working every day? Nothing! You do not have time to do much of anything. So you have family stop by to see how you are, friends come over to just sit around, talk, sleep, eat, men bash, and sleep again! The clubs were cool every now and then, but when was growing up we were able to go to clubs at 15 years old. I think I went a little too much because truthfully I was burnt out by 18. If I was going out it was because someone asked me to go or I was going to look for someone to hang out with. It just wasn’t my thing anymore but I would go to not be the party pooper.
My family is huge, someone always had a friend or two in the mix that you had the chance to get to know. Well my cousin had a friend who I thought was cool. She was a little rougher than I was but I felt like her story gave her a lot of scar tissue that she hadn’t worked through yet. At that point in my life I was very carefree and I really gave people the benefit of the doubt when I felt they needed it. Now, not so much. I am judgmental as hell, I am selective, bias, and very observant of the company I keep. Anyways, she was cool people to hang out with so we took to each other. My style at that time was very versatile, and I was very self-sufficient in doing my own hair. I could cut my hair today, whip out a ponytail tomorrow, dye my hair blond today and it will be black tomorrow. Let me tell you, I was gifted with the braids and short haircuts. Everyone knew if you wanted your hair cut, braided, or styled to call me. So this is where me and her clicked, she liked her hair cut and she would call me to do it. We got to know a lot about one another through these interaction, to the point that it became natural for us to call each other and hang out. She would come over to the house and we would just vibe over music, laugh over stupid stuff, and call male friends over to hang out.
While all of this is transpiring I have another person occupying my place with me due to unforeseen circumstances. You see she was young also and her child’s father just happened to be my brother whom she had two children with. He had recently passed away doing street thangs that lead to a short life, by the age of 16 he was taken from this earth. I didn’t know her before the funeral, I mean I seen her probably once in my lifetime. We never even talked before this! Like I said my young and inexperienced self was just really more empathetic and sympathetic for people. After my brothers funeral I gave her my number and I told her if you need anything for the kids call me and I will do what I can. Oh, I thought my eighteen year old self was way grown. A few days after the funeral service I received a phone call from her letting me know that her aunt had kicked her out and she had nowhere to go. Me being me, I had a two bedroom place so I offered it up to her and the kids until she could figure out what it was that she wanted to do. I was happy to help. Here I go taking in a sixteen year old mother of two children that were aged two and a few weeks. My mentality at the time was if I have a bed you have a bed. She came right in and got comfortable. Her and my friend had known each other previous to her coming to live with me due to mutual acquaintances and my deceased brother. My friend and my brother had a friendship also, we were all around the same ages so we all went to school together at some point. They were cool, well so I thought!
I was dating a few guys at the time, nothing serious just really getting to know them and some just playing with their emotions. They thought it was the most fascinating thing that I really was like IDGAF when it came to dating. I was mean and I knew it but I didn’t really care. If we were set up for a date at eight o’clock and you didn’t show up by eight o’clock, even by one minute I wouldn’t even open the door. I would just be in mid conversation with someone and hang up because I just didn’t feel like hearing their voice anymore. No excuses just I really didn’t care, I had been hurt and I was going to do me fuck the casualties along the way. This was one of those topics that we seriously laughed about. I was heartless. My ex rebound boyfriend and I had a brief run of dating one another but it didn’t work out because he was still into his baby momma and I wasn’t really into loving anyone at the time. Besides that our anatomy was not complementing each other so that was a no go! He would still come by, hang out with us and chill. He would even be over when I had male company, sitting on the couch while I was in my room hanging with someone else. I would play with his mind by turning up my music as if something was going down, but it wasn’t! He would sit there the entire time listening for the music to stop. I know I was not nice, I can admit it. That still didn’t stop our friendship, eventually he met someone that he was into and she starting coming over with him. I did not care because I had no intentions on being with him. Bring her!
I thought I was doing a good job at balancing myself in my new friendships, family life, work like, home life, and dating life. Well my two new found friends did not agree! With all that was going on in my life I never noticed the jealousy that was brewing among my new crew. It had never even crossed my mind that friends become jealous of each other’s time in real life. Especially not of the same sex! I was not a girl who swung that way and that was very clear, I mean to each its own but I was not that girl. All of a sudden after a few months of having a new house friend, and my friend staying over some nights the problems got thick. My friend and “house friend” who is now considered a friends are bickering about time spent. My “house friend” is upset that I am spending more time with my other friend. I had to hear about you and her go out and hang out together more than we do, I am like your sister. Um, no you are the mother to my niece and nephew, a person that I am getting to know although I have opened my home to you but you are not my sister first of all, second I belong to no one, and third you have two children to take care of so you can’t just come and go as you please. I will not be tied down to no one and I didn’t care who it was! For me this felt so awkward, at first it was happy reunion. Expressions of how happy they were to see one another and then it turned into I can’t stand that bitch, you need to watch her, and all of that sly shit. Me, I really didn’t care because I was going to do me regardless, as I said I was not going to be tied down to no man and especially not no woman.
Taking sides was not going to happen so eventually my friend before my “house friend” decided that she was mad at me and not dealing with me anymore because I refused to acknowledge taking sides. Remember I met her through my family, so of course she went back to tell my family all about my dumb ass. How I was being used and I was a hoe. First of all regardless of who I was entertaining, I was not sleeping with them! Lies, I’ve never been a hoe for anyone one, and I was unusable. If I made a decision to do something it was because I wanted to do if for someone. At that time I gave freely so if I gave it I didn’t expect it back because I was already blessed. Of course my family was going to tell me what she said, that was my family! That was my first lesson on friends becoming strangers. I really could not believe that people could get that upset over who I decided to be friends with outside of them. She really tried to drag my name and reputation but the people who knew me didn’t ever buy into to. Yes, my family gossiped about it but I really didn’t care. What family doesn’t? I had already understood the dynamic of people being messy, but I never knew friends to be this extra. I really didn’t have any previous experience with people like this. I had a best friend that had been my bestie since second grade and we were straight no matter what. We talked far and in-between, there has never been hard feelings because of it. At least not that I am aware of and it has never been expressed. We just have an unspoken understanding that life happens even until this day.
Boy did I have to bump my head with these two a few times before I really just got over it. You always hear that people don’t change, “but oh my God”! These new found friendships lead to each other having to do DNA test, snitching to boyfriends, being kicked out of the place that you call home, threats of the house being shot up and so much more. Just Drama with people you call friends! Those stories are still to come on www.Relationsiips.com
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